I was wrong; I’m sorry.
How often do you say this to your kids? I am willing to bet not very often. As people, we do not like to be wrong; as moms, we like to think we are never wrong. However, sometimes we are, and the way we handle these situations can impact our children more than we realize.
I know that I am far from perfect. But, in every parenting decision I make, I have my child’s best interest at heart. I know this is true of all mothers, as we want what is best for our child and we will do what we think is right to achieve it. Do you ever experience a moment where you think, what I do right now will affect the person my child becomes? I know I do- just not necessarily at the moments I should. Last week, my four year old and I were having another heated discussion. Moms out there, I know you understand this age- testing limits, pushing boundaries, declaring independence. All traits we can be proud of when they are older, but which present unique parenting challenges today. The exchange went something like this:
Me: You need to do this so we can be ready to go.
Son: No. I am NOT doing that. I don’t want to.
Me: Yes, you are. We need to hurry up and go.
Son: NO.
Me (raised voice): Let’s go right now!
Son: NO, I DON’T WANT
Me: I don’t care what you want we have to go!
My son was quiet for a moment as we stared each other down. He then looks down quietly and said “Mommy, that was not very nice. Yelling is not a good thing to do at people”.
Ouch. Talk about a smack to the heart. But you know, he was absolutely right. Of course, there are going to be times when we are pushed to our limits and act out of turn. There will be moments when our children are about to do something, like grab at the stove or run towards the street, where nothing short of a shout will do. But, in a conversation where I am the parent, where I am responsible for shaping the way my child communicates, yelling in frustration is the opposite of what I want to do. Do I really want to teach my child that it is okay to yell at someone because you are frustrated with them? Do I want him to think that because a situation is not going the way he wants it, yelling is the way to solve it?
I took a deep breath, knelt down to my son’s height and said “I was wrong. I’m sorry”. I held out my arms to him and told him that I was sorry I yelled, it was not the right thing to do. I explained that sometimes grownups are wrong too, and we do not always act the way that we should. But even still, he was right and mommy was wrong.
Sometimes, I am amazed at being a mom. I have two children, four and one, and it is an adventure every day. I love my children with all my heart and sometimes become nearly overwhelmed with the responsibility I hold of helping to shape them into the people they will become. Other times, I am so busy keeping up with every day life, I forget that the things that I do today will affect them tomorrow. And that is what being a mom is all about.
What moments have you found yourself in like this? Share with me, I’d love to hear about your parenting moments!
Welcome to My Front Porch Swing! I'm Ashley, a Georgia Mom of 2. I work from home running social media promotions, particularly representing small businesses. You can almost always find me on Twitter and devouring as much about Social Media as I can. Follow along as I navigate life as a work at home mom and wife while striving to find a balance. Note the word "striving"
That exchange you had has happened in our house more times than I care to admit. You have a perfect grasp on how we should act to our children, because like you say, we are the parents. It’s not always a piece of cake, is it? When our children challenge us, talk back to us, and even when they sometimes yell at us… it is up to keep our cool. I am by no means perfect, but it’s nice to have a reminder that how we respond will impact our children in the long run, as well as the short.
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
says:
It really is amazing how much we can learn from our children! We make plenty of mistakes, but sometimes it’s a bit shocking to realize how much we affect them. Thank you for your thoughts!
Oh man…you explained all the jumble of feelings that crash into me after such an exchange. My kiddo’s 7, and she’s not too shy to correct me when I’m wrong. I’ve done something similar, going to her, admitting I was wrong and asking for her forgiveness, because it was a slight to her personally. We talked about it, and it was good.
I still raise my voice more than I’d like (I’d like to NEVER), but it’s happening less and less, and maybe one day it won’t happen at all.
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
says:
It’s amazing what they notice. We’re quick to correct them but forget to remember the rules ourselves! A great thing about being a mom is that it’s a learning process too- we get to learn with and from our kids as well as teach them!
Yikes, i bet that’s the most difficult thing! I don’t have any little ones yet, but right now i’m working on admitting i was wrong to my husband, for the times when i overreact or get too upset. it’s always a challenge to be humble and admit your mistakes, but i think your kids will learn in turn that it’s important for them to do the same when the time comes.
.-= meg´s last blog ..that summer feeling =-.
We’ve all been there – it’s stressful, challenging and frustrating bringing up kids but I think it’s fantastic that you caught yourself and apologised. We are role models ALL the time for our children and teaching them to say sorry when they make mistakes, get things wrong or say things that they shouldn’t is learnt from us first.
We all get tired, get stressed or find the whole parenting business exhausting. I remember losing the plot with my daughter a few years back when I was trying to laminate a poster for a workshop I was doing and she interrupted me right at the critical point of pulling out the poster – I felt AWFUL afterwards and apologised. But I never forgot how guilty I felt over shouting.
But for me it’s all about learning the lessons, forgiving ourselves for the mistakes we make and starting again tomorrow a bit wiser !
Great article – thought provoking !
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
says:
Sue, thank you so much for your thoughts! It’s amazing the things that we can lose it over, especially in hindsight. We are all human, and never perfect, but it’s interesting to think how much we learn from our kids!
I get frustrated when my kids don’t listen and I yell. It might not really be something that they did. It might be that I’ve had a long day and they do something little and I SCREAM. And then I feel awful, apologize, and usually cry a little. I hate feeling like monster mommy.
I couldn’t reply to your comment from my blog, so I’ll tell ya here: I’m a former Pittsburgh girl. How about you?
Do you have a button with a grab box that I’m missing? I’m trying to update my buttons.
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
says:
You know, I completely didn’t realize my box was missing! Thank you so much for asking! It’s fixed now
we try and do this reguraly with the kids. I cant expect them to aplogize and not be willing to show them I have faults to so I aplogize too. As does my husband my mom thought I was crazy. I then explained that she taught me the importance of doing this by not doing it to us kids. I remember our big fight like it was clear as day. She was accusing me of doing something. I had proof I was at work and not where she said. She didnt want to hear. SO I left it on the table. I know she saw it, my dad said she did. She never once apologized. I said that I would never do that to my kids.
Twitter: ThetaMom
says:
We’ve all been there and I think it’s so important for them to see we make mistakes, too – but that we try and fix them and do the right thing.
It’s amazing what they pick up and notice and my mom always said, “Kids learn what they live,” and I think that’s so true!
.-= Theta Mom´s last blog ..Thank You =-.
Hey! Great concept, but can this genuinely function?
EMERITA
Twitter: katiefhurley
says:
Ugh. I had a similar conversation with my 4 year old tonight! Apologizing and admitting that I was wrong calmed her down a lot and helped her see that grownups need to take responsibility too.
Twitter: adriennesfts
says:
I hate yelling, but I do it far too often. It’s something I wish God would change instantly in me. Argh! For some reason, he must be trying to teach me something.
Adrienne recently posted..God is good, Sistas!