“We’re only going to be a few hours away,” she reasoned. “It will hardly make a difference. And hey, we will be right there at the beach. Think of the sand, the waves, the wind.. it will be amazing.”
Not reassured by the sigh and rooting that answered her, she moved restlessly through the house- she wasn’t so sure she believed it either. She paused at the painting they purchased on their honeymoon, ran her hand over the canvas, remembering the first place it had hung. Funny how even though that was the first place they lived together, it still could not reach her heart the way this one did. Moving past the kitchen, she wandered up the stairs, pausing at the fireplace she had posed with her darling toddler just months before, his hands struggling to reach his mom’s ever-increasing belly. Sighing, she smoothed a kiss over her little bundle’s forehead while continuing up the stairs.
Tears gathered in her eyes at this room. Oh, to think this room had once held a crib and a glider… the very glider in the room next door. Now, it was full of race cars and memorabilia of a little boy. How he had grown and transformed right before her very eyes, especially with the birth of the little bundle securely fastened to her front. The decals had been stripped, the nursery furniture long put away, but she could still remember rocking him in this very room…
Gathering her resolve, she moved next door, the room in which the pain nearly pierced through her- echoing months before, where she collapsed and nearly lost the baby she held so near now. Except, the shadows of pain were so strongly diminished by the contentment of bringing her healthy baby home that she could scarcely remember the fear and uncertainty in the havoc her pregnancy had wreaked. No, all she could see was this beautiful room they made for their daughter.. and the bare bones it left behind while she was mere weeks old.
Turning away from two of the most significant rooms that would ever shape her life, she held her breath before opening the other down the hall. Those who do not understand how a house is so much more than a home will never grasp the emotion of this moment; the moment she realized their room was no longer theirs. The bathroom, lovingly prepared to her very whim. The closet, a room of its own and yet felt as if it were a destination. The windows, the light, the feeling of absolute belonging. It had all been stripped away.
With one last sigh and a final glance around, she slipped downstairs, with a last fond look at the main living area and a glance and a smile downstairs to their bonus room. Ahh, the fun they’d had. But she was too focused on her final destination, the one place where she felt her heart, soul and mind collide into the one existence she knew they could be.. her place of solace, her soul’s break from reality.
The front porch swing.
Oh, she knew that those without a true love of the South can really understand, but this porch swing held her heart and soul. It was where she knew she loved the man that would become her husband with such conviction, she would have married him on the spot (don’t worry, she didn’t wait long). It was the place she had waited for said husband to come from work to share wonderful news, so overcome with excitement that even their toddler throwing a stick at him on the walkway couldn’t diminish her joy.
It was the place her husband told her they would be leaving.
Removing the wrap and settling her in to feed, she smiled down at the blessing in her arms. Nourishing her child in the one place that felt most right in the world was like healing a little bit of her soul. She gazed around, at the neighborhood she had grown to love, at the tree she had an unnatural affinity towards, at the bushes they had managed to keep alive. The breeze was warm despite the late winter month, but the streets were quiet. She knew this would be the last time, despite what they said. She knew this was a time of goodbye.
Brought back to the moment by restless hands, she settled her daughter back into her arms- but this time, with a view of her surroundings. While she may not remember the breeze in our hair, the tranquility of the surroundings, the serenity of the moment… her mother forever will.
With one last look around, she turned to go back inside. With one last look, she realized she had truly learned to love. Not just with her husband, not just with her children, not just with her heart. She had finally learned to love with her soul.
And then they were gone..
Welcome to My Front Porch Swing! I'm Ashley, a Georgia Mom of 2. I work from home running social media promotions, particularly representing small businesses. You can almost always find me on Twitter and devouring as much about Social Media as I can. Follow along as I navigate life as a work at home mom and wife while striving to find a balance. Note the word "striving"
I hope that someday you get back to the place that you love so much. The place that you really call home.
I think that it’d be amazing if we all were able to find that special place in life like you have.
Jackie recently posted..Yes its really me!
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Thanks Jackie, so much. It is an experience I can really appreciate having been so many places- and I look forward to finding that once again soon!
Twitter: galitbreen
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*Sigh* This post cooled me with chills and warmed my heart with one nod after the other. Yes! I have felt this way, too. Gorgeous writing!
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Thank you so much, I truly appreciate the kind words. It’s an amazing feeling, isn’t it?
This is so beautiful. You captured that new mom emotion so well!
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
says:
Thank you!!
This is an excellent post. I struggled when we left our first house. So much of us was in that house. I survived in that house with 2 little boys when hubby was in Iraq for 15 mos. It was our sanctuary…to leave it was very difficult for my oldest and myself. A piece of us is still there…even though we love our new house and neighborhood. I have memories, fears, joys, tears all echoing through that house.
Crystal recently posted..Back With The Living
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Oh Crystal, you grab the sentiment perfectly with your response. That’s exactly it- of course we loved the house itself, but it was everything that had been poured into it that made it so hard to leave. Thank you for your comment!
Oh I can see why writing this made you cry. We recently moved from the house all 3 of my daughters were born. The walls I had painted, the bushes I planted and the door frame where I marked their heights. Painful!!!
Thank you for sharing this moment with us!
crayon wrangler recently posted..Tea Party With A Wolf
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Ahh yes, you know it well. It really is leaving behind more than a tangible..
Wow, that was beautifully written. I was captured from the title all the way to the end! To be living in our 4th home now, I understand the difference greatly between just a roof over your head and actually LIVING in a home. Each home holds memories and I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything, but I can definitely finally say the home we are building our lives in today is the one that my heart is fully connected to. I look forward to building, creating and enjoying our lives here.
All that to say, your new home will be different, but you will certainly fill it with love as you build your life in it.
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Jenn, I can completely understand that. We have moved through 5 states in the past several years, so we have been in many different places. I think it makes the significance of the house I loved (and sold) stand out a bit more.. I look forward to fully connecting to a place again soon! I love that you are in one you are fully connecting to now!
Twitter: MTDLBlog
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What a beautiful post! We move every few years with the military – but there are some homes where it is so bittersweet to make that move. Very well written!
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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We have moved very often over the past years now, but that was our one home. I miss it!
Beautiful writing! This reminds me of my husband and I remodeling an old farm house (with a swing) and planning to raise a family! 1 child and 11 years later, we were minus one, my husband! Thank you again for the great writing, I look forward to more!
Becky McWhorter recently posted..Relax -
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Thank you so much for the kind words Becky! I think a remodel that big might scare me
Twitter: bellebeandog
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I just stumbled this for you.
I love to see you writing again! I know – you barely have time to breathe!
Such a wonderful post, Ashley! And even though I’m not actually Southern, I wanted to tell you that our first house, which we built on Mud Island in Memphis, we removed part of the banister on the front porch in order to add a proper porch swing!
liz recently posted..Managing the Mayhem
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Thanks Liz, I appreciate it (and the stumble!). Also, you get props for knocking out the banister..you haveto have a porch swing.
Twitter: fromtracie
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I remember moving away from the house we lived in when our daughter was born. It was so hard to leave it.
Porch swings. I know the value of those, we left one behind at that house.
Tracie recently posted..A Patient Visitor
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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There’s something about a good porch swing, isn’t there? There’s something so reassuring in its tradition, comforting in its movement. I do love a good swing!
Twitter: fourplusanangel
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This is so well written, I am newer to your blog but this is my first time seeing such an amazing story come from you (not that all you do isn’t amazing but you know what I mean, I hope!). Truly loved this and feel like you just took me to that place and I want to help you get right back there.
Jessica recently posted..Power
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Thanks Jessica, what an amazing comment! I appreciate your words (and taking the time to come by!) I hope your little guy is doing better!
Twitter: katiefhurley
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That was beautiful. I’m in tears.
Practical Parenting recently posted..I Took The Mom Pledge…Will You
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Thank you so much- I really appreciate the comments!!
Twitter: BrittanyVandy
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That was gorgeoud and heartbreaking. It’s funny because I was so excited to move out of our first house when we had no kids but now, this house, where our 3 children were born, is my home. I really hope we never have to leave. And the front porch swing, well, if we ever go anywhere I am taking it with me.
Brittany at Mommy Words recently posted..What’s By My Bed
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Oh thank you so much! Also, I love the idea of taking the front porch swing along. Rest assured, our next house will have one, and you know what, it will go with me if I leave!
Twitter: madsbloggingmom
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Happy sighs. Ash, I love your practical and helpful posts but when you write from the heart, oh my. You are such a talented writer, drawing us into the moment and the emotions you were feeling.
I pray your Alaskan adventure is quick lived and you find your warm home again!
Mad Woman behind the Blog recently posted..Who knew
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Oh you are way too sweet woman. Thank you so much!
Ashley, you’re a really lovely writer. I could feel the breeze and the swing underneath me. My husband is a southerner and we’ve spent time on those front porch swings in TN and SC over the years! There is something about the house that we bring our newborn babies home to that captures our souls. I was SO sad leaving our house in San Francisco when we moved 6 years ago. We’re on the move again, but somehow I’m not going to feel so sad about the actual house this time, but more about the place, the city, the community.
Anne recently posted..Sylvester Stallones riding helmet
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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Thank you so much for the kind words Anne! The south has such a special place in my heart, and we loved that house. It can certainly vary on each place I think- and yes, the community has a lot to do with it! I hope your new home and community is even more amazing than this last.
Twitter: sellabitmum
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Oh hon – your writing is incredible!
tracy recently posted..Turns out I am not the most OCD mom in the world…
Twitter: AshleyNAbele
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You are too sweet, thank you!
Twitter: thebestdays
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That is really beautiful. I could almost feel the breeze in my hair while reading.
We moved around so much that I’ve never been too attached to any of our homes, but my grandfather’s house – that is the one place I am truly attached too. I’m happy that, for now, it’s still there for me to go to whenever I want.
Twitter: ByWordsMusings
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So sweet these words from your soul.
So happy that you have a new home … one to put down roots, make new memories. You will sift thro the ones from the last few years and make a little collection of all the ones that mean the most to you and they will forever be part of you.
And years from now, when you mull them over one by one, your heart will smile!